So as you know, I’ve been doing tons of research about games that are based on movies, right? I’ve been compiling lists of every console and every game associated with it that is based on a movie. For…science? I guess I can hide behind that? Anyway, on my travels around the internet, I may have just stumbled upon a video that will change all of our lives. It’s for a little game from 2002 called E.T.: Interplanetary Mission.
I’ve never really thought about how completely fucking weird E.T. is until I saw this terrifying video of E.T. humping a bunch of flowers and eeriely moaning. That sound is just…it’s so creepily sensual. It’s downright disturbing. And yet, I can’t help but think that it reminds me of something.
Oh. Ohhhhhhhh. It reminds me of the fact that there are four separate porn movies based on the E.T. franchise. Four videos about a little creepy alien that looks like a gigantic nutsack shrinkwrapped around Wall-E. Does anybody REALLY want to see a porno where somebody fucks the dog creature from The Thing? Well, I guess so:
- Keep Up the Lust E.T.
- ET The Porno
- ET XXX: A Dreamzone Parody
- E3 The Extra Testicle (I don’t think anybody actually fucks the alien in this one, which is just a guy in green makeup anyway so A for effort)
What does it mean? Why did this happen? Is it because there is no God in space? I don’t have to do a blustering review of each and talk about why they’re crazy. They just are, damn it. I mean, look at this:
And especially THIS:
Truly, we have strayed. We could be exploring the bottom of the ocean right now, but no. Stupid sexy E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. Ohhhh. Ohhhh.