It’s surprising how, in the blink of an eye, I can somehow accidentally ignore the internet crime base for over a month. I mean, sure, the passage of time will always seem like a massive chasm when your attention is on other things, but I coulda sworn I was writing something just last week. Nevertheless, I am here to place a tiny band-aid over our gaping head wound.
The last month has been, quite frankly, interesting. I’ve left my job, managed to snag affiliate status on Twitch, taken a short trip to Las Vegas, and generally wallowed in my own shit (to good and bad effect). At this point, it’s time to cut the crap and regroup. To the future, and what not. I’ve got a few priorities in mind (continuing to up the production value of the stream, creating a streaming calendar, exploring different formats) that will occupy me for the next little while, in addition to the other issues I’ve got to sort out (i.e. a replacement stream of income so I don’t die to death, money for new equipment and services) so even if I look like I’m laying on my futon at 5 AM watching YouTube UFO shit in a drunken stupor, be assured that I’m deeply involved in working towards a brighter future for all of us, especially myself.
Like a lot of people, I’ve had quite a bit of difficulty in the past with focus and being able to channel my stupidity into something tangible. I’ve been putting off ideas and note scraps for years like I was playing some sort of Self-Doubt Fruit Ninja for mental patients, slapping down any and all attempts at personal progress. Despite being able to shrug off such feelings on the surface, I still struggle with the nonsense from time to time and end up getting frozen and producing nothing because “It’s not done” or “it lacks something special” or “I’m/its just not good enough yet”. Reading those words I can obviously see that it’s a bunch of bullshit meant to keep me from engaging or trying, which I suppose is its own safety. Do nothing, risk nothing. Oops, I spilled some real in my criminal bullshit fun house! I’ll clean this up and get back to talking about Shaquille O’Neal doing lines of Gold Bond or
Yeesh, that took a weird personal turn. Which, yeah, it feels good to get out (which I suppose was the original purpose of this outpost) but I specifically ordered my coffee without any added neurotic bitching. Roll it back. Roll it back. There we go. I’m perfectly fine. If you don’t acknowledge negative thoughts and negative feelings, I suppose they’ll just bubble under the surface like a river of slime and Vigo will try to steal your baby and remember Ghostbusters 2? That was what I was talking about.
OK. Little bit better now. You gotta tear that muscle so it can rebuild stronger. Catch you on the information superhighway, pal.