Scavenger Hunt

Like you, I recognize the incredible potential that the internet represents for living in the modern world. Unlike you, I’m likely to be found randomly generating ideas just to see if somebody has images of them online to laugh at. Kitties? Nah, fuck that noise. Weird time, baby. 

 

Sometimes, the ideas themselves are enough to make me laugh. Others just need definitive proof that somewhere, someone else came up with the same nonsense. Or maybe it’s not nonsense at all, just so mundane that it’s weird to think about. I’ll post a single picture for each of these actual things that I’ve gone out of my way to look for in the past, you be the judge. You & history.

 

“extracting snake venom”

 

I’ve got quite a few pictures of this. There’s something in each of the images. Something in the snake’s eyes where I can only imagine it’s thinking “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING” as it’s being drained of its poison. A violation. The snake spends entire days curled in the corner of the cage reliving the nightmare in its mind. Post Traumatic Snake Disorder.

 

I hope the dude in the picture takes that shot later while juggling lit sticks of dynamite.

 

“cops eating pizza”

Maybe it’s the look of joy. Their vulnerability, snacking on a slice. Time stands still when that piece is in their hand. They will never know any greater tranquility than when they’re behind the crust. These “plizzaficcers” are living life to the fullest.

 

“dog heimlich”

While all images found in this search are enough to make me howl with laughter, this image in particular stands out head and shoulders above the rest. Maybe it’s the fact that the dog looks like it was choking on its own feces. The slight smile in the man’s face as he performs a life-saving procedure that just so happens to look like he’s sodomizing his pooch. Man’s best friend, indeed.

 

“baby patent drawing”

 

Patent drawings in general are horror shows. This particular line is a rather frightening showcase of just how sterile and weird life is when plucked from the every day and detailed as if it were suddenly picked up in space by a high-powered telescope. The one about is supposed to be an educational doll that helps to teach about “shaken baby syndrome”, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a might bit uncomfortable (even without taking what appears to be a visible head wound out the equation) when you break a human infant down into its component parts.

 

There are others, obviously, and if I can drip enough of them into a shot glass like Sammy the Snake up top, maybe I’ll drop a bit more cream in your coffee. Until then, think something up, and look for it. You’d be surprised and what is out there.

 

*featured image is “dead cowboys”

 

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